


the details in his reflection

by greyedscale



Series: bad things happen bingo [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Bad Things Happen Bingo, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Drabble, Gen, Guilt, Self-Hatred, no beta we die like lu ten, rage against the reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:54:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28445733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyedscale/pseuds/greyedscale
Summary: Zuko looks deeply into his own eyes through the mirror. He hates what he sees.
Series: bad things happen bingo [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2083437
Kudos: 14





	the details in his reflection

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Authoress_Lilly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Authoress_Lilly/gifts).



> after months of saying i'll work on the bad things happen bingo card i got, i finally did! the first fill was "rage against the reflection" + zuko, requested by lilly!  
> sorry it's a bit short ... i hope you enjoy it still tho!  
>   
> you can find my full bad things happen bingo card in the series description!

The thing about regaining his honor is that it’s not what Zuko expects. He thought that everything would go back to how it was before … the way it was before he had gotten his scar and his family had broken to little pieces. He thought he’d get his real family back, the way he had always wanted it. Sure, Azula may be a little off-balanced and his father was strict and his mother a little absent, but it was his family.

Or at least, he had thought that’s how it would go. And maybe it was a little naïve of him to expect everything to reset back to the way it was just for … what? Proving his worth? Killing the avatar?

It didn’t feel good, and Zuko didn’t feel the balance in his family restored. No, instead, Zuko felt more alone than ever, his last words to his uncle haunting his ears.

Dating Mai didn’t help. He loved her, and he knew she loved him, but he couldn’t help but feel like he shouldn’t get close, shouldn’t spread his infectious damage to someone else. ~~He’s ruined enough lives in his lifetime to know. He’s never been more than a bad luck charm, lashing out at all that tried to help him.~~

He looks up from where he’s bent over the sink, dry heaving in his futile attempt to not cry and stares at his mirror.

How ugly.

How … tainted he looks with that big red mark covering his face. It makes him wonder if he had ever had any honor to regain in the first place, or if that ill-fated Agni Kai was simply his father’s way of exposing the rot underneath to the world. He wonders … sometimes … if his father weren’t right all those times he yelled about his incompetence. He’s shivering and sweating and on the verge of throwing up with all the guilt stirring around in his stomach.

What had Uncle Iroh done to deserve his betrayal? What had the avatar—Aang—done to deserve his unconditional hatred? What had … _he_ done to deserve his father’s scorn?

Zuko doesn’t have the answer to these questions, but he can’t stop seeing the little smirk on his father’s face, feel the way his heart dropped when Azula had told their father _he_ was the one to kill the avatar. He’s not a murderer, but he might as well be. He’s been complacent in his place, chasing after what was never there, thinking only of his selfish wishes. Zuko looks up to the mirror and snarls at what he sees.

He stares and stares, trying to make out the details of his reflection, but the only thing he sees is a twisted mimicry of what his cousin Lu Ten could have—should have—been. He stares into his reflection and knows that he is unworthy of whatever faith Uncle Iroh had put in him yet wishes all the same that he could one day be worthy.

He stares into his reflection and knows, deep within his heart, that he will never be worthy. Doesn’t mean he won’t try, endlessly, futilely like he had struggled to regain his honor in the past.


End file.
